On Saturday I got to sleep in a little. Really anytime I can sleep past 6:00 a.m. is sleeping in these days. But, after I got up I started looking through one of the stacks of books at the end of my couch. I found a book I had been reading last spring and even preach a message from parts of it. The title is "refrigerator rights," I stated to look through it and found that there was a blog connected to the book so I checked it out.
The motto of the blog is "Refrigerator Rights Relationships are people who can open your refrigerator without having to ask permission. And when you are in their home you can do the same. They are people with whom you feel open, cared for and relaxed. They know the real you behind the facade."
When I preached last February about Refrigerator Rights I challenged the congregation to see who they allow into their refrigerators without daily permission. As I have got through a few challenges and changes in personal relationships over the summer I still feel that it is important to have those type of friends. There is a great need in our world and in the Christian Community as a whole to have close friendships and relationships.
This type of relationships don't come as easily as I once thought, they take time and maybe years to really build. It means deep talks, long times of silence and even getting on each others nerves from time to time. Just as you allow them to open your refrigerator you must allow them to open your heart and even leave it out on the counter. These types of relationships must have room for being hurt, other wise it is a false sense of openness.
In General relationships are not easily, college life (namely Christian College Life) can create a false sense of closeness because you share so much in common. And in those Christian Communities conflict is seen as unchristian and not normal for real friendships. In the real world you are polled together by common likes, but your relationship is shaped through the challenges of life and having differences with others. Relationships don't grow from avoiding the differences and conflicts but from managing and dealing with those conflicts.
I guess I needed to read through more the book before preaching on this subject, because in a chapter entitled, "Now What?" the author talks about three main points of refrigerator rights.
1) Nurtures commitment and belong.
2) Tolerates and manages conflict; and
3) Facilitates personal growth and change.
I think I see another sermon coming from this book and some passages of scripture that have helped shaped my view of relationships. But, that is a few months away, I wanted to close by asking a questions from the book: "Since you have left home, have you chosen to attach in ways that feel close enough to share refrigerator rights as defined by these characteristics (the above three)? Or have you put your energy elsewhere?"
Monday, October 5, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Real Friendships!
There are many different levels of friendships, some people are friends because they work together or sit in the same pew very Sunday mornings. Others are friends because they grew up together and played on the same basketball team. Still others are friends because they are connected on a much deeper level.
People who are connected on this deeper level are connected spiritually through love. They don’t only want their friends to win a basketball game, they want the best for them in life. These friends climb to the summit of the mountains to rejoice and celebrate the joys of life. They also walk through the valleys of pain and suffering mourning and crying together.
C.S. Lewis talks about this type of love, it goes beyond the typical love that only looks for the good in relationships. “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
When you think about your friendships and how many of them are you welling to let wrung or possibly broke your heart? If you don’t have any friendships that you are welling to risk, do you really have any friendships?
What do you think?
People who are connected on this deeper level are connected spiritually through love. They don’t only want their friends to win a basketball game, they want the best for them in life. These friends climb to the summit of the mountains to rejoice and celebrate the joys of life. They also walk through the valleys of pain and suffering mourning and crying together.
C.S. Lewis talks about this type of love, it goes beyond the typical love that only looks for the good in relationships. “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
When you think about your friendships and how many of them are you welling to let wrung or possibly broke your heart? If you don’t have any friendships that you are welling to risk, do you really have any friendships?
What do you think?
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