Updated: Refrigerator Rights

On Saturday I got to sleep in a little. Really anytime I can sleep past 6:00 a.m. is sleeping in these days. But, after I got up I started looking through one of the stacks of books at the end of my couch. I found a book I had been reading last spring and even preach a message from parts of it. The title is "refrigerator rights," I stated to look through it and found that there was a blog connected to the book so I checked it out.

The motto of the blog is "Refrigerator Rights Relationships are people who can open your refrigerator without having to ask permission. And when you are in their home you can do the same. They are people with whom you feel open, cared for and relaxed. They know the real you behind the facade."

When I preached last February about Refrigerator Rights I challenged the congregation to see who they allow into their refrigerators without daily permission. As I have got through a few challenges and changes in personal relationships over the summer I still feel that it is important to have those type of friends. There is a great need in our world and in the Christian Community as a whole to have close friendships and relationships.

This type of relationships don't come as easily as I once thought, they take time and maybe years to really build. It means deep talks, long times of silence and even getting on each others nerves from time to time. Just as you allow them to open your refrigerator you must allow them to open your heart and even leave it out on the counter. These types of relationships must have room for being hurt, other wise it is a false sense of openness.

In General relationships are not easily, college life (namely Christian College Life) can create a false sense of closeness because you share so much in common. And in those Christian Communities conflict is seen as unchristian and not normal for real friendships. In the real world you are polled together by common likes, but your relationship is shaped through the challenges of life and having differences with others. Relationships don't grow from avoiding the differences and conflicts but from managing and dealing with those conflicts.

I guess I needed to read through more the book before preaching on this subject, because in a chapter entitled, "Now What?" the author talks about three main points of refrigerator rights.
1) Nurtures commitment and belong.
2) Tolerates and manages conflict; and
3) Facilitates personal growth and change.

I think I see another sermon coming from this book and some passages of scripture that have helped shaped my view of relationships. But, that is a few months away, I wanted to close by asking a questions from the book: "Since you have left home, have you chosen to attach in ways that feel close enough to share refrigerator rights as defined by these characteristics (the above three)? Or have you put your energy elsewhere?"

Real Friendships!

There are many different levels of friendships, some people are friends because they work together or sit in the same pew very Sunday mornings. Others are friends because they grew up together and played on the same basketball team. Still others are friends because they are connected on a much deeper level.

People who are connected on this deeper level are connected spiritually through love. They don’t only want their friends to win a basketball game, they want the best for them in life. These friends climb to the summit of the mountains to rejoice and celebrate the joys of life. They also walk through the valleys of pain and suffering mourning and crying together.

C.S. Lewis talks about this type of love, it goes beyond the typical love that only looks for the good in relationships. “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

When you think about your friendships and how many of them are you welling to let wrung or possibly broke your heart? If you don’t have any friendships that you are welling to risk, do you really have any friendships?

What do you think?

How does Spiritual Formation work?

I know I have asked the question “what is spiritual formation?” before, but I find myself asking that question just a little different. During my church’s local board of administration's meeting I was challenged to start thinking about the overall discipleship process of our local church. After the challenge a great conversation happened about what the LBA values in discipleship, I gained some great insights.

The following day I was able to sit down and reflect on some ideas and thoughts. As usual I came away from a time of reflection with more questions to process. Some of the questions I wrote down where: What does a person look like who is being discipled? Does the process of spiritual formation or discipleship ever end? What is the goal of any discipleship plan? What should a Christian look like?

So how does spiritual formation work in the local church? If you have any thoughts and ideas please let me know.

What is Thankfulness?

This past weekend I got the opportunity to take some young men on a road trip to Indiana Wesleyan University. It was a great time, full of adventure, excitement and all around fun. While on the trip I got to visit with family and friends, ones that I have not seen in four years and others that I have not seen since I left Wilmore, KY. Getting to reconnect and talk about life made me become really thankful or appreciate the things I do have. Like friendship hear in North Carolina and friendships that will not change no matter how far away we may live from each other.

Wikipedia says, thankfulness “is a positive emotion or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.” While this statement is true, I think that real thankfulness is much deeper than this. True “thankfulness” comes from the heart, soul, mind and strength, it comes from the whole being of the person. It is more than an emotion or attitude, it is part of a person’s character.

I am not trying to say that I or anyone who is truly thankful is better than anyone else. I am simply saying that those who know thankfulness experience life at a deeper level. When I started to see the faces of friends, I knew I was truly thankful and that my life was much deeper than I realized.

Saying “thank you” for someone who opened the door for you is great. Giving “thanks” before you eat your dinner tonight is wonderful, but are these just words? Or does your whole being express thankfulness? When you get ready to cut into that turkey on Thursday how will you express your thankfulness towards God, family and friends?

I believe it can be as simple as letting grandma get the last slice of pecan pie or letting your father set in the best sit to watch the big game. What ever the action or the words, do they comes from a passing emotional experience or do they come from something much deeper and lasting?

Special thanks to Jeremy B. for going on the trip to Indiana Wesleyan with me and the guys.

Change . . .

King Whitney Jr once said, "Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better."

Over the past few weeks I have been feeling the stresses of change, not only in my own life as I move into a new place in life. Aka North Carolina, but also at church. Whitney Jr.'s words ring through in my life as I have learned to seek value, find encouragement and even see the joy in change.

I am not saying it is easy, but as he stated "it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better." I hope and pray anyone reading this blog does not hear me say that the past is bad or wrong, but just a starting point. God is all about change, creating and recreating flows out of His deep love for humanity. Out of that I find my encouragement to move forward and find the ways of making things better.

Six weeks down!

I can’t believe it has already been six weeks since I started working as the assistant pastor at Ramseur Wesleyan Church (RWC). It has been a full and eventful six weeks; I have been to camp meeting for the district, district conference, preached twice, taught some leadership courses for the youth ministry, attended LBA meetings, chaired a Christian Education Board meeting, worked with different areas on what fall ministries will look like around RWC and started setting up shop in my new office.

I know see RWC as home and the congregation as family, it is a church about 200 to 215 on a normal weekend. She has two services a contemporary and a traditional, with sunday school sandwiched between them. The sunday school ministry is bursting, there was about 150 some people last weekend. The church has a great heart and a deep passion for fellowship, where a normal church in america would greet for about two minutes each sunday morning this church greets for about six or eight. They love to fellowship and greet each other, but it does not end there. They want to reach out with love to the community, through their children’s and youth ministries, and along with a partnership with others churches in the area to run the Ramseur food pantry.

I am not sure what God has planned for this church or myself, but I know God has blessed these people and I am thankful that He has allowed me to join the staff here at RWC.

General Superintendent Jo Anne Lyon

On June 9th,The Wesleyan Church come into a new chapter of life. Since our planting in the 1800's we have supported women in ministry and women having equal rights in life and society, but never a woman in the highest leadership position of the church. That has changed, Jo Anne Lyon CEO and Founder of World Hope International has become our first woman General Superintendent.

After "accepting her new assignment, Dr. Lyon challenged the church to go places it never has gone before. 'I believe the Lord is positioning The Wesleyan Church to have a voice in the 21st century like never before, ' she said." (take from http://www.wesleyan.org/doc/news#bk95)

After attending the whole General Conference, I was challenged by Dr. Lyon's words and her passion for a social holiness that flows out of a deep personal holiness. This will be a great new chapter in The Wesleyan Church. I am ready to go into the local church and live out holiness of heart, powered by the Holy Spirit.